M Visits LYS: A Play in Two Scenes

Cast of Characters
Me: that is I
M: 6’4″ of curly-headed manliness
Rebecca: Proprietress of LYS
LatBTs: Ladies at the Big Table (four of them)

Setting
A dark and stormy lunch hour at the LYS

Scene 1:

Me and M enter LYS.
Rebecca: Hi again! How are you?

Me: Great. I’m here to look at sock yarn.

Rebecca: Let me know if you have any questions.

Me spots the Tofutsies yarn and completely ignores Rebecca. Rebecca doesn’t seem to mind.

M: Is that the yarn you were looking for?

Me: Yes, it has soy silk fiber mixed with the wool so it will make a lighter sock for the warmer spring weather.

LatBT: Do you knit?

M: No, I’m just the cheerleader.

Me: Oh, look Panda Cotton! (Me moves around the display)

LatBT (holding a big sweater and advancing on M): Would you try this on for me please?

M: Umm…

LatBT: I want to see if my repair is invisible when the sweater is worn.

M: OK (starts putting the sweater on).

LatBT: You’re much larger than the sweater’s owner (eyes M quite thoroughly), but I think you’ll do. Yes, I can’t see the mistake at all. Thanks, Rebecca, for your help.

Rebecca: No problem. You did a great job.

M suddenly crouches down by Me sans sweater. He sticks to Me like glue.

M: The colors are really pretty. Which ones do you want?

Me: I really want the pink and white one, but I can’t decide between these two.

M: Why don’t you get both?

Me: I shouldn’t…

M (still glued to Me): Sure, you should.

Rebecca: Here’s a sock I knit with the Tofutsies. (holds out a sock to Me)

Me (taking the sock): Very nice. What size needles did you use?

Rebecca: I used twos for the cuff and size ones for the foot.

M: Do you need any size one dpns? (school-girlish sighs are heard from the LatBTs)

Rebecca, Me and M move to the front counter, where Rebecca starts ringing up the yarn.

M reaching for his wallet: My treat. (More sighes from LatBTs.)

Me: Oh! You don’t have to!

M: My pleasure!

Rebecca: You’ve earned 10% off today.

M (signing receipt): Great! Have a good afternoon!

Rebecca: Thank you! You too!

Me and M leave LYS.

Scene 2
A few minutes later in Me and M’s pick-up.

M (starting the engine): I thought for a few minutes that I would have some serious explaining to do back there.

Me (looking up confused from yarn bag): What would you have to explain in a yarn store?

M: That NO means NO!

Suddenly Me understands M’s glue-like behavior in the LYS. A chilling image of Rebecca restrained at the counter by Addi Turbo cables and Me with a size 10 Brittany Birch needle sticking out of her chest as the LatBTs drag a protesting M into the back room of the LYS where all the Jaeggerspun Zephyr, Classic Elite Lush, and Frog Tree alpaca yarn is kept. Me silently resolves that if M ever accompanies her to the LYS again, she will be sure to have armed herself with her size 17 Bryspun needles in order to protect M’s virtue. She pats M’s knee in sympathy. They drive off into the lunch hour rain.

Finis.

M has recovered from his ordeal. And the yarn is beautiful:

Three cheers for M!